So, long time readers of the blog may know that I try to do a plan for what I’m doing in the coming year, so that I have some idea of whether I’m doing the things I want to be doing. Last year at this time, I couldn’t even manage to think about what I might want to do in 2014. In January and February, I considered writing a post, but never got to it. My March or April, I just forgot about it, and tried to keep moving forward.
I published no work last year. Few if any blog posts, no stories, no games, nothing. (Some of my work software shipped, so it’s not nothing, but it’s not what I want to do.) Some of that was work related, but a lot of it has to do with some personal stuff that’s no one’s business by my own. I’m mad about some stuff I can’t do anything about, and I’ve not been willing to let it go or change it so that the stuff I’m upset about goes away. That sort of locked me into a cycle of non-creation that kept me from even making plans I knew I was going to fail at.
So for the first time in a decade, I’m making some New Year’s Resolutions. Most people make bad ones, but I’m just committing to two operating principles. The first is to Deal with My Rage. I’ve got a lot of it (I always have) and I don’t handle it well. So part one is to figure out how to manage it better. Being angry takes energy, and all that energy going to stoke my fires is energy that’s not being put towards my other guiding principle: Make More Stuff. And by “Make” I mean, finish, publish, let people see. I’m a writer and I write all the time. I’m a programmer and I program all the time too. But finishing has always been the problem, and it feels like you never make anything if it’s never actually done.
So, I’ve already started working on the anger stuff. There’s a little therapy. There’s some rebuilding some social groups so I have somewhere to talk about things. There’s this project, because projects are good.
Because I’m saner if I handle my emotions; I’m saner if I make things and know I’m adding to the world.
This post is over a year overdue, but like the turtle in the story, we just keep plodding forward doing the best we can.