New Year, New Plans

So, long time readers of the blog may know that I try to do a plan for what I’m doing in the coming year, so that I have some idea of whether I’m doing the things I want to be doing.  Last year at this time, I couldn’t even manage to think about what I might want to do in 2014.  In January and February, I considered writing a post, but never got to it. My March or April, I just forgot about it, and tried to keep moving forward.

Some of this was settling into new work experiences — my job keeps me busier than any job ever before, and I’m learning (and, frankly, hating) C#.  But interspersed with that 70-90% of stuff I don’t like doing, i get to do some interesting JavaScript, HTML, and interactive sites and displays.  There are places in the world where I can stand in front of something I made and say I made this.  I wrote a video game for work; we did kiosks for a museum; we’re working on an iPad app as well.  So, that’s all good — but busy and draining.

I published no work last year. Few if any blog posts, no stories, no games, nothing. (Some of my work software shipped, so it’s not nothing, but it’s not what I want to do.)  Some of that was work related, but a lot of it has to do with some personal stuff that’s no one’s business by my own.  I’m mad about some stuff I can’t do anything about, and I’ve not been willing to let it go or change it so that the stuff I’m upset about goes away.  That sort of locked me into a cycle of non-creation that kept me from even making plans I knew I was going to fail at.

So for the first time in a decade, I’m making some New Year’s Resolutions.  Most people make bad ones, but I’m just committing to two operating principles.  The first is to Deal with My Rage.  I’ve got a lot of it (I always have) and I don’t handle it well.  So part one is to figure out how to manage it better.  Being angry takes energy, and all that energy going to stoke my fires is energy that’s not being put towards my other guiding principle:  Make More Stuff.  And by “Make” I mean, finish, publish, let people see. I’m a writer and I write all the time. I’m a programmer and I program all the time too.  But finishing has always been the problem, and it feels like you never make anything if it’s never actually done.

So, I’ve already started working on the anger stuff. There’s a little therapy. There’s some rebuilding some social groups so I have somewhere to talk about things. There’s this project, because projects are good.

I’m spending the month of December figuring out what sorts of things I want to Make next year.  I’ve got a novel/novella that I wrote some time ago in response to 50 Shades of Grey. The movie’s coming out, it might be good to get that in shape for when it does.  I’ve got a really cool and probably unnecessary JavaScript IF parser project that I really want to work on.  (I love writing in JavaScript. TADS and Inform? Not so much).  I’ve got a couple of game ideas to work on, and an interactive toy that I want to make. Then there’s the games website that needs making which points to the games I actually did make in 2013.  There’s a lot to do, probably more than a year’s worth of stuff.  So December is about working on one of these (because I can’t stop myself) and figuring out what takes priority over the next year.

Because I’m saner if I handle my emotions;  I’m saner if I make things and know I’m adding to the world.

This post is over a year overdue, but like the turtle in the story, we just keep plodding forward doing the best we can.

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